I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
