it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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