Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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