Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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