how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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