there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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