I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
