We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
