She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i now understand why vodka
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
