I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
