I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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