the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
