I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You need Xanax blowdarts
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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