hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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