My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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