yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
