well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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