Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
