Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
