I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
