she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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