sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
