He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
