I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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