her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
