Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
