haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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