I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
