i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
