stop calling my apartment porn island.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
