the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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