I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
