Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
