Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
