Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
