Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
