Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
