You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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