Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
