im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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