im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
