I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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