So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
