he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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