I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
