I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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