You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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