Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
