i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
