He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
