so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
