Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
