The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
